A New Year! So, Let's Get Building 

By Beth Norman 

Out with the old, and in with the new! Now that's exciting business. I think the person who coined that phrase was on to something big. A favorite quote of mine comes from Albert Einstein who once brilliantly said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." This tells us that we need to raise the bar and get mindful of the things we really want to change.

The start of a brand new year seems to be a natural time to reflect on what we'd like to see changed. More personally, my own hopes, dreams, goals and resolve I have for the coming year. For some, all that may be needed is to simply restore the renewal process. As a parent, I like to include my children in this process, which could very easily be defined as strength building.

A great majority of us have a tendency to list our weaknesses and failures as our resolutions. Can you imagine delivering a hand-written list to your children of all their failures and shortcomings? How awful that would be! Of course, I'm not saying to stay away from the areas that need to be improved upon. On the contrary, turning weaknesses into strengths is a great work with unbelievable rewards. Guiding my children's sense of purpose, encouraging their dreaming, setting goals as well as celebrating their successes is a most fulfilling experience. However, one of the biggest challenges for me is to carefully walk the line of uncovering weaknesses and turning them into strengths! 

Fingerprints that are only one of its kind, a billion-dollar computer we call the brain to a built-in software that encompasses all of our children's unique strengths and abilities is nothing short of miraculous! Natural strengths and abilities are easy to identify because our children tend to gravitate toward them. It's not strenuous nor is it work but aligns itself with fun! All we need to do is simply observe them in action and then shine the spotlight on what we see! Surely, it doesn't have to be something that is performed; it can be as valuable as your child possessing an abundance of any given virtue. Affirming your child's unique character traits often will bring their attention to these qualities and begin to build self-value. Even when you are in the delicate process of turning a weakness into strength, purposely allow them to over-hear you talking to someone else about an ability or strength you are especially proud of. This is very powerful.

Sometimes strength is born out of weakness!

One personal example of turning a weakness into strength is when my kids would reach the tender age of about 7 or 8. There would always come a day while driving to school, when someone would say with much anxiety and apprehension, "What if so and so calls me a name?" "What if so and so makes fun of what I'm wearing today?" "What if..." and on and on it would go. Instinctively wanting to save their little soul from anyone's ridicule, I would want to confidently respond back, "oh, now don't you worry, no one is going to call you a name...and, certainly no one is going to make fun of you for that..." I mean, why would they? Not your kid's right? Wrong! Knowing full well that my child has either experienced or witnessed such torment, I would respond by... AGREEING! I would say, "You know, you're right, there is a good chance at some point that someone will call you a name or make fun of you for something." Taking their worry one step further, I would ask, "So, what will you do"? This has helped my kids to think about how they were thinking about the matter! Great dialogue and role-playing different scenarios very often ensued. What could have been a perfect environment for weakness to take root, can with intentional practice, become a great strength.

Strength building is a dynamic process. Here are a few more simple ideas that have helped me within my own family building.

Words worth Mentioning. Have intentional conversations with your kids about great words such as humbleness, trustworthiness, bravery, modesty and gratitude. How about bragging, conceit, boasting or prideful? Teaching my kids about these words and then putting them or not putting them into practice has made a wonderful impact on their personhood. My kids are becoming sensitive to when they're around someone who is humble or someone who is bragging. I always try and remind them, when in the company of others, to wait and let someone else do the complimenting!

Shake On It. Intentionally practice meeting people! My husband would always make it a priority to teach our kids on how to meet people. This is something that keeps on happening for a lifetime. Ahead of time, he would remind our kids that today they were going to be introduced to a few people. Church was always a great atmosphere to do this. When introduced, he would tell them to find the other person's eyes, stretch out your right hand, shake and smile. This has been a great strength building exercise; even our youngest son who struggles with shyness prevails. 

Traditional New Year's Resolution Gathering. Our family officially gets together for the express purpose of setting new goals on New Year's Day. We usually take our kids out for a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant. This has been a great way for us to celebrate togetherness. Over the course of dinner, we spend our time reflecting on the highlights of the past year, special accomplishments and so forth. Then everyone shares what their new goals are and how they plan on realizing those goals. I love doing this for many reasons, but I love the fact that all of my kids get to listen to each other's visions besides their own.

Create a "Secret Can of Words". We have a can that is easily accessible wherein everyone in the family is encouraged to drop a quick note on a tiny piece of paper. Whenever anyone is grateful by another person's action or would like to convey how much they appreciate/admire another, they secretly write it down and deposit it in the can. When the can gets full, we have an impromptu time and read aloud the various compliments about different family members. It's so heartwarming and it's a great way to build up strength and esteem!

Intentionally spending time in the strength building process eventually will create a culture of character within your family!