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You can plan the plans, but...By Bonnie Artman
"You can plan the plans, but you can't plan the results"
Isn't that so true? I loved that slogan the first time I heard it several years ago when I was working as an Addiction's Therapist. I have repeated that slogan to myself many times, especially when things didn't go as I had hoped or planned.
We all know the mantra at the start of the New Year, "I will resolve things differently this year" and "I will set goals and focus on new beginnings." That's all fine and good yet the reality is, many times, we don't achieve what we resolve to do - be it on New Years Day or any other day. Even if we make a concerted, conscious effort to change, sometimes things don't go as planned.
Please know, I am all about change - after all it is the name of my Business, "Changing Patterns". So I am not suggesting that you give up! I do believe change is possible! Today, I want to consider how you talk to yourself when things don't work out the way you planned. Whether it is lack of effort or if you have put in the hard work, how do you see yourself and what are you saying to yourself?
· Maybe you are separated or divorced. Did you plan on your marital state being where it's at today when you said "I do" years ago?
· Did you plan on having a special needs child when you found out you were pregnant? · Did you plan on being in the financial state you are in at this stage of your life - despite years of careful saving and spending? Life often doesn't go as planned. Despite this reality, how we handle our given circumstances is a choice. The choice we make everyday, sometimes hourly, and sometimes even minute by minute of HOW we value ourselves despite what's happened...or not happened. Shame can easily set in when we face setbacks. The choice to believe that we are still a person of worth and value despite things not working out will make a HUGE difference in how you move on from the disappointment. To view the setback as an opportunity to learn and grow can leverage you for new possibilities.
Instead of self criticism, here are some ideas...
· "I am doing the best I can"... · "Though I could have done things differently, I am still worth taking care of by doing the next wise thing" · "I am learning from every experience I have, positive or negative...I will choose to focus on the valuing of myself instead of whether I achieved what I had planned". Let this year be a year of treating yourself with respect. Even when things don't go as planned, you can still make wise choices; especially in how you view yourself.
Take Action: List five things that make you special and unique, afterall there is no one else like you! Read the list everyday to remind yourself of your value.
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Learning to Dance in the Rain