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Simply Intentional: The Power of Self-Talk!By Beth Norman
Do you ever just think about what you're thinking about? Sounds silly enough doesn't it? But take a moment and take note. What are you saying to yourself? Are your thoughts working for you or do your thoughts tend to work against you? Just like pilots need to have a flight plan to ensure their proper destination, it is just as important for us to have a "thought-plan" as we pilot our very lives.
It's true, your thoughts can either serve you or fail you, and YOU are the deciding factor! Your thoughts, whatever they may be, will eventually become beliefs and your beliefs will determine your behavior. Behavior is where you will act out either your success or failure on any given matter. Not minding your thoughts, can easily lead to creating false beliefs about yourself, even on a subconscious level. Wouldn't it be nice if our negative self-talk could come with a loud buzzer that simultaneously flashed the words, WARNING! WARNING!
For me, I can easily slip into my natural or default programming which tends to fall into language such as, "I should..." or "I need to..." or "I will..." Although these words recognize a problem, they don't usually come with a solution. You can finish all of these statements with, "...but I'm not." Learning to erase and replace this type of self-talk is crucial to ensure a more productive, happier life wherein your thoughts and values become congruent with your actions.
As a parent, I can get so busy with life that I can sometimes forget how to live. By intentionally changing my own self-talk language, my thoughts and beliefs are much more aligned with my actions. Furthermore, I became aware of my children's self-talk. Today, a very common phrase my husband will often say to our kids as they head out the door is, "Have good self-talk!" They understand that unless they control the thought, the thought will control them.
Here are a few ideas that have helped our family in slaying the negative self-talk dragon:
1. Create a self-talk list opposite of what your child's negative self-talk is: For instance, my son would often say things like, "I'm not a very good basketball player," or "reading is hard for me." Another would be, "I'm not popular." We then created a list of positive self-talk statements that replaced his negative self-talk statements. The statement would then be, "I am a great basketball player, and I always score big, my team depends on my shooting ability". "I am confident and popular at school," "people love to talk to me", "I am a great friend." "Reading is easy and I get better every time I read another book," and "I love to read". Every night before bed he would read the list. Soon, my son didn't need the list anymore; he could recite his new self-talk statements from memory.
2. Listen to your language. Become aware of words such as "I should"... or "I can't" and replace them with words that show action. When I tell one of my kids to do something, and they respond with "I will", I used to be satisfied, until I realized I had to keep on asking. Now, when I hear someone respond to my request with, "I will", I actually hear, "I will, BUT I'M NOT". When I point this out to my kids, I ask them to change their language to, "I am".
Be sure to recognize and reward the little goals or steps that your kids use to improve in their everyday living. These are the necessary stepping-stones that will lead them to BIG change.
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The 100/0 Principle