We've all heard the phrase, "The buck stops here" which was made popular by President S. Truman.  He kept a sign with that phrase on his desk in the Oval Office, which referred to the fact that the President had to make the decisions and accept the ultimate responsibility for those decisions.

As parents, we too have the ultimate responsibility not only for the decisions we make in raising our children but to parent in such a fashion that provides a behavioral healthy environment.  I think it's fair to say that most of us can claim some sort of family dysfunction in which we are either, currently experiencing or have been a part of, within our own generational history.  While it's true that we have no say as to what kind of family we are born into or raised up in, we certainly have the right and in my opinion, the responsibility to say, "The buck stops here," when dealing with unhealthy behaviors and patterns before they're likely to infect a family like a cancerous virus.

It's interesting to notice how patterns are so much apart of our lives.  They're in our everyday existence from our fingerprints to the décor of our bed pillows.  Patterns are repetitive and are intricately woven together to create something and to spread.  Behavioral patterns are no different.  In many instances, we can become desensitized to these unhealthy patterns due to their repetitive nature and unknowingly can take up residence in our subconscious mind.  (How many times while growing up did you tell yourself that you would never do or say something like your parents, only to comically hear yourself tell your kids the exact same thing some twenty to thirty years later?) 

In Zig Ziglar's ham story, he describes how the bride in a newly married couple cut off the ends of the ham before baking it. Her husband asked why. The wife responded that her mother had always cut off the ends of the ham and that was the way it was supposed to be.   Not accepting "the way it was supposed to be," the husband called his mother-in-law and asked why she cut off the ends of the ham before baking it. The response was that her mother had always cut off the ends of the ham.  More curious than ever, the husband then called grandma and asked her why she cut off the ends of the ham when baking it.  The answer was that she had too small of a roasting pan and that was the only way to get the ham to fit!

Although this is a humorous story, it depicts two generations that blindly followed a behavioral pattern without even understanding why.  This illustration strikes a chord with me and has me looking into my own ways of parenting, traditions, and thought patterns lest I fall under same pretext of  "the way it's supposed to be".

When I started out parenting some 21 years ago, I desperately desired to provide my own four children with the most excellent "dysfunctional free" environment as possible, if that even existed.  And if it didn't, I knew I wanted to get as close to what that looked liked.  (Is that dysfunctional?)   I came to realize that in order for me to do so, this involved looking into my past.   By seeking to recognize how my own parents were parented simply made it easier for me to understand how my parents parented me.  In some instances, this enabled me to shift from an attitude of victim to an attitude of victory!  Understanding some of the past's "why's" is a great freedom in that it gives me a healthier foothold into the present of parenting four of my own children.  Believing that my parents did the very best job that they knew how was equally as freeing.  After all, with all of my own shortcomings, (and there are many) I would hope that someday my children would choose to feel the same way about me.

We only have our own best knowledge and experiences of being parented ourselves that become our guidelines and blueprint in parenting our own children.  Doing some investigating into the past will positively affect your present job as a parent now and will go a long way into the future of our children and that of the next generation to come - our grandchildren!

The first step in parenting with responsibility was for me to realize that I had the ability to respond.  It truly is gratifying to change an undesirable pattern and not become entwined in one.  And when you have an attitude of gratitude, there is simply no room for anything else.

Be the catalyst, be the change, and turn the tide with your own family.  Remember, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.