The months of May and June each have a day set aside to honor parents.  For some, those are days of family gatherings and the acknowledgment of parental love and appreciation.  If you can easily express words of love for your parents, this article may not be for you.

For others, Mother's Day and Father's Day can be bittersweet.  Perhaps there never was a close parental relationship and the adult child harbors ill feelings about their mother or father (or both). This isn't to say that the parents aren't good people or to place blame; it's just a fact that some parents aren't able to offer guidance or emotional support to their children due to their own hurt stemming from childhood.  

While watching Oprah recently, I saw actress Demi Moore interviewed by Maria Shriver. Demi spoke of the difficulties between her and her mother that eventually led Demi to sever the relationship for seven years. When Demi received news that her mother was dying, she went to her side "with no expectation of an apology or big clarity of where things went awry."

During the last 3 ½ months of her mother's life, Demi began to see her mother in a different light and understand her as a person. This did not discount the sadness she had about her mother not being there for her emotionally. During the time they spent together, though, Demi was able to transcend from blame and anger to an understanding of each of their roles in the strained relationship. 

It took courage and strength for Demi Moore to go to her mother's bedside. Some people would not out of the depth of their hurt, and that's understandable. Had Demi chosen not to go, she would have missed learning about her mother, herself, and the positive impact of this profound awareness on her own daughters. As she spoke, I was struck by the conscious decision she had made to change the pattern of how she would parent and create a new family legacy, most notably one of forgiveness. Dealing with issues with her mother made her realize

"how important it is for all people to forgive before it's too late.  Because, really, when they're gone, they're gone. While they're alive, you're putting it over there thinking that it's not yours. There's just so much more to gain when you can recognize the innocence and the beauty of who and what someone is and to be able to clear that path. You just make room for so much more in your life." 

If you have a strained relationship with your parents because of past hurt, consider getting to know them as people. As with Demi, go not with the expectation of an apology or of them suddenly going through a transformation: go for you. That simple, brave act may free you from resentment and create a family legacy of forgiveness.