Changing Patterns Newsletter
Making Conscious Choices
August 2007 Volume II
In This Issue
The Power of Words - Part I
Mindfulness: Automatic Judgments
Quick Links
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Welcome to the Changing Patterns newsletter!  We are here to provide information and resources to help you create lasting, meaningful change in your life and improve relationships with those most important to you.
 
In this issue, you will read about the power of words and becoming mindful of automatic, snap judgments.
 
Bonnie

The Power of Words - Part I

 

"I didn't mean it."

"I was just kidding."

"Don't be so sensitive."

"Can't you take a joke?"

"Just get over it."

"You take things too seriously."

"Stop dwelling on it."

 

How many times have you heard someone use any of the above phrases to explain away their own barbed comments?

 

Words matter.  They have the power to bring about restoration, and they can also destroy trust - bringing about discord that may take years to overcome.  The influence of words often remains with us for decades, affecting our sense of worth, motivation, and how we relate to others. 

 

Changing the pattern of the words we use isn't a matter of "just doing it" like the old Nike slogan - it's much deeper than that. We may intellectually know our words are hurtful (and sometimes the mean-spirited words we use may be intentional to hurt the person we've been hurt by); it's another thing to change.  If we have deep-seated anger, bitterness, and pride, our words reflect the unresolved hurts we harbor. 

 

Knowingly or unknowingly, the words we use are an indication of the pain in our own hearts that perhaps has been pushed down for so long we don't even know what it's all about.

 

Be very aware of the words you speak and you may get some clues about what's in your heart.

 

Next month we'll talk about the power of affirming words.

 

 

 
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Mindfulness: Automatic Judgments
 
Is it possible for someone to meet the man or women of their dreams after just a few minutes of casual conversation? That's the premise behind speed dating, a new matchmaking process being played in bars, clubs and community centers around the world.

 

Men and women are rotated to meet each other over a series of short "dates," usually lasting from 3 to 8 minutes depending on the organization running the event. At the end of each date, the organizer rings a bell or clinks a glass to signal participants to move on to the next date. At the end of the event, participants submit a list of who they would like to provide their contact information to. If there is a match, contact information is forwarded to both parties.

 

The success of speed dating is based on an inherent human trait - snap judgments. Speed-dating organizers have found a way to appeal to our fast-paced society using the awareness of how many people make snap judgments in order to move on to the next thing - even a potential partner. Sadly, we often miss out on fully experiencing situations and people, especially if a snap judgment is made according to what is seen on the surface.

 

The judgments we make and our resulting actions tend to be what we think is of value to us. We may give more time and energy to a person or an outcome based on a sense of feeling good, and other times we may negate people or things because we don't see the value of our time or effort. In some situations we remain neutral, having no preference one way or another because we don't see the relevance to us.

 

When we practice mindfulness, a non-judging approach allows us to make decision with more clarity and balance rather than automatically accepting or condemning based on limited knowledge or our past experiences.

 

Be aware of the snap judgments you make. You might discover negative assumptions you didn't realize you had, and in reality, may not be accurate.

 

 

group

Groups

 

Group is a powerful way to learn about yourself and how to better relate to those most important to you.  Whether it is to address issues of self-esteem, anger or addiction, Group offers an opportunity to get at the root of a problem by receiving feedback from others and practicing new behaviors in a safe environment.

 

Benefits of attending Group:

 

  • Develop skills to resolve conflict & create more fulfilling relationships.

 

  • Learn to have difficult conversations over issues you've been avoiding and get more out of your relationships and your life.

 

  • Gain tools to manage your mood and alter negative thinking.

 

  • Address an addiction that has been interfering with your potential, relationships, and sense of well-being.

 

Groups are held twice a month from August through May on alternating Monday

evenings from 6-7:30 p.m. Call Bonnie to receive more information and register at 630-406-0075.    

Women's Group starts August 20th

Men's Group starts August 27th

Quote of the Month

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." 

- Dorothy Nevill

Sincerely,
 
Bonnie Artman
Changing Patterns, PC