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| Changing Patterns Newsletter
Making Conscious Choices |
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For many people the Holidays are a celebratory time of year, for others, the traditions of parties, decorations, and family gatherings can be stressful. Would you like to know how to make this Holiday season more meaningful and truly experience the sights, smells, sounds of this time of year?
In this issue, we discuss the benefits of practicing mindfulness - of staying in the moment, being aware of what you are doing while you are doing it. In addition, check out the Things That Matter Workshop on November 17th (under News) that will also cover specific tools of how to stay calm when emotionally triggered, especially during family gatherings.
What might happen if you approached this holiday season calm and focused on enjoying each moment?
Mindfully,
Bonnie
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Experiencing the Holidays Mindfully
Have you already started your "to-do" list for the Holidays? The decorating, shopping, party planning. Before getting caught up in all that you typically do, consider how you would like this Holiday season to be different? Perhaps more emphasis on people and relationships instead of doing? Or maybe just doing less or nothing at all?
Mindfulness is about being in the present moment, paying attention to what you are doing while you are doing it. Instead of going through the routine motions of years past, consider approaching the Holidays, aware of what you are experiencing.
The cornerstone of practicing mindfulness is paying attention to your breathing. When feeling stressed it is not uncommon that your breathing becomes fast and shallow or you actually hold your breathe. Using the acronym of "Breath", the following are tips for helping you to approach the Holidays and any stressful time mindfully:
B Breath.
When you start to get overwhelmed with all you have to do or find yourself in an upsetting situation, redirect your focus to your breathing. Be aware of taking each inbreath, feeling your abdomen expand and deflate with each outbreath. By doing this for even a few minutes, you are likely to better handle what is before you; calmness replaces anxiety and perspective replaces confusion.
R Reflect.
Do you have a tendency to get caught up in all the tasks before you that you forget to step back and remember the big picture? What really matters about the Holidays to you? How do you want the Holidays of 2009 to be meaningful? By asking yourself reflective questions, you are able to better discern what is really important to you. Sometimes that may mean doing nothing. Can you be OK with non-doing? Then again, there might be a specific action you can take. Whether you create elaborate Holiday celebrations or keep things very simple, be aware of the motivation behind your choices.
E Expectations.
Do you struggle with wanting a certain outcome and when you don't get it, you are frustrated, hurt, or even angry? Do you have the dream of having a Norman Rockwell Holiday season, yet know the realities of your finances, family situation, or past rifts get in the way? Consider saying to yourself "this is how things are right now, it doesn't mean it will always be this way, for right now this is what is happening". By adopting more of an accepting attitude toward what is actually happening in your present moment, you are living more fully in your life. How might your perspective change if you chose to appreciate what is, instead of dwelling on how you want things to be?
A Allow yourself to feel.
As you begin to slow down and focus on your breathing, feelings may start to surface that have been pushed down or avoided for years. By allowing yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, without judgment, you are getting to know parts of you. Feelings are not right or wrong, nor do they define you, they are just there. With wise attention, you decide how to manage them. What might happen if this Holiday season you shared more of your feelings with loved ones of what this time of year means to you? And, what they mean to you?
T Trust.
Trust the process of allowing things to unfold in their own time and the way they are supposed to. Change is the one thing we can be certain of. Even if the Holidays are a tough time of year for you, trust that by slowing down to focus on the present, you can better discern what it is you need to take care of yourself. You may also discover new ways of celebrating that have more meaning rather than just enduring how you've done things in the past.
H Honesty.
There is a common saying "it is, what it is". By honestly acknowledging your given circumstances, you are dealing with the reality. It doesn't mean you have to like it, need to take a passive attitude toward resolving it, or that you are resigned to it. It simply means you are seeing your circumstances for what they are and can then decide on the necessary steps to move forward.
Talk with Bonnie about the mindfulness class offered in November to learn more about incorporating the above into your Holidays.
Pay attention to your breathing and you will
experience each moment more fully.
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Simply Intentional: Minding your Busyness through the Holidays and Beyond!
With the holiday season fast approaching, I can already sense my level of
anxiety rising as I know a surge of extra thoughts and "to do" tasks are at hand. It's so easy to get stuck somewhere between the usual daily tasks of life and the longing for a joyous holiday experience for my family. In years past, I often cringed when certain holidays would come around because I felt the vast distance between where I wanted to be and where I was, which usually ended up short of my goal. Some holidays would come and go so quickly that it seemed like I didn't get a chance to explain to my kids what that holiday was even about! Then, like clockwork, I would vow to myself, "never again", declaring that next year was going to be different! Let's just say I vowed a lot!
It's mind boggling to know that although our mind processes roughly 7,000 thoughts a day, we can have only one thought at a time! I think it's fair to say that our minds are full, full of thoughts, that is. But, do you ever feel like these thoughts are just floating around somewhere in the invisible realm above us? Countless of thoughts just swirling around and around just waiting for that random selection in which one haphazardly is chosen and we hope to get to work on it? That is, of course, until another thought rudely interrupts? There's a quote by Brian Tracy that says, "Hope is not a strategy for success". This tells us that having all the good thought intentions in the world alone couldn't make a bit of difference in affecting any desired changes. It's like a car without the gas or a pen without the writer. Without action, thoughts will remain just thoughts.
Practicing mindfulness for me has meant paying close attention to creating family experiences that bring about connection to one another. Here are three ideas of ways that I have bridged the gap from wishful thinking to making the holidays more meaningful.
1. Being mindful of what's important to you
Something magical happens when thoughts land on paper! It sounds so simple and trivial that I still have the natural tendency to mistakenly commit my list to my mind. The truth is, great things are accomplished by the aid of simplicity. Begin your lists with answering questions like:
· Do you want to make it to that Christmas Carol play this year?
· Do you want to make sure you take a tour of Christmas lights?
· Do you want to limit holiday visits and/or expectations this year?
· Do your kids know the words to Silent Night? How about the story of Thanksgiving?
Whatever it may be, let me encourage you to begin your lists today and begin setting this in motion. Including a lively family discussion will get your list going!
2. Being mindful to express what you mean to one another
About a month before Christmas, spend a little individual time with each one of your children and ask them to write a letter to each one of their siblings sharing things they appreciate about one another.
When our kids did this, they wrote about how grateful they were to have that person as a brother or sister and why they felt that way. They also wrote about what they believed was the other person's special gift or talents were. As their gift to one another, they included two service coupons to redeem. It was a service like, "I'll clean your room for a day", or "I'll serve you during a movie night" or "I'll take over your chores on Saturday." It was written on fun, festive paper and decorated with stickers. We then rolled up the letter and tied a bow around it and under the tree it went. After church on Christmas Eve, they read their letters aloud. I can't tell you how truly magical and joyous this occasion turned out to be. It was heartwarming, esteem building; it was inspiring, uplifting, and a creation of a beautiful cherished memory.
3. Being mindful to turn on your family's senses
I believe our minds gravitate and respond favorably when our built in senses are activated. I think this is why Thanksgiving and Christmas are the favored holidays among most. Within my own home, I purposely set out to trigger my family's sense of sight, smell, sound, taste and touch. Not only do you get extra doses of happiness but by doing so you dramatically add to the ambience of your home for the holidays. For a moment, close your eyes and remember your holidays from years past.
· Can you see the beauty of snow, the twinkling of lights, and the goodwill towards men?
· Can you hear the festive music, the chiming of the bells, the children's excitement?
· Can you smell the scent of cider or the cookies baking in the oven? Try baking some cookies and have a candle lit when your kids arrive home from school today - see if their senses speak to them.
· Can you taste the delicious turkey dinner that's been roasting all day?
· Can you touch the beautifully wrapped gift or feel the warmth of a crackling fire?
Being mindful of the experiences you want your family to have this holiday season, will build upon the bonds and atmosphere in your home!
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Things I learned from Changing Patterns...
"This program really helped me put things together in my life, gain perspective from others, and have more empathy for others."
Rose, Attendee at Things That Matter Program, Summer, 2009
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News About Changing Patterns:
"Things That Matter - Creating relationships of meaning and substance"
Back by popular demand, the Relationship Program held this summer, will reunite on Tuesday, November 17, 2009 to encourage one another in making your relationships the best they can be! Even if you didn't attend this summer, you will benefit by attending!
Besides having some great pizza from a local favorite pizza parlor, we will discuss:
· How to respond rather than react when your buttons get pushed! When you are able to stay calm and present with your own emotions, you can hear what the other person is truly saying and get to the heart of the conflict.
· Calming your critical self-talk! Believe it or not, conflict is a really good thing for your relationship! You'll gain a positive perspective of when conflict occurs.
Date: Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Time: 6pm - 7:30pm
Location: Holmstad Retirement Community
700 Fabyan Parkway, Batavia, IL 60510
Cost: $45/Individual or $80/Couple (Cost includes Pizza & Pop)
Healthy relationships don't just happen, they are created by you! Put the date on your calendar NOW and continue to invest in yourself and your relationship by
MAKING the time to CHANGE PATTERNS!
Call Bonnie Artman at 630-406-0075 as soon as you get this email to register!
Practicing Mindfulness in the Holiday Season
Speakers: Bonnie Artman and Lisa Patterson
Date: Wednesdays, November 4, 11, 18 2009
Time: 6:30pm - 8pm
Location: Holmstad Retirement Community
700 Fabyan Parkway, Batavia, IL 60510
Cost: $45/Celtic Connections Member; $75/Non-Member,
Celtic Connections, an organization for personal development for women, is celebrating their Second Anniversary & Bracelet Ceremony on Sunday, December, 13, 2009.
Location: Fox Valley Presbyterian Church, 227 East Side Dr., Geneva
Time: 1pm - 4pm
Fee: $20 for Subscribers/$35 for Non-Subscribers,
Includes Brunch and program
Must Register by Monday, December 7th
Register through www.celticconnect.com under the events tab.
Looking for Holiday gifts that will be remembered? Simple Truths offers inspirational books, frames, and DVDs . Whether you're shopping for friends, family, or those hard to buy for people, you'll find something meaningful. Each item offers beautiful photography and inspirational messages that offer hope and perspective, especially in light of our troubled economy. Go to Bonnie's website, www.changingpatterns.net and click on the featured book Learning to Dance in the Rain to browse items for the special people in your life.
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Looking for a speaker? Bonnie is passionate about helping individuals, couples, and families create lasting relationships of meaning and substance. Her programs offer practical insights of understanding how one's upbringing influences relationships in all aspects of life.
Bonnie will be speaking at the Lake County Health Department on January 8, 2010 for an all day workshop entitled "How Did My Family Get in My Therapy Office?" She will present the same program at Central DuPage Hospital, Behavioral Health Professionals Program, February 5, 2010. Both workshops are for Therapists and Nurses to earn continuing education hours for licensure requirements.
If you are looking for someone to speak at an event, a presentation can be tailor-made for you. Bonnie can be reached by phone at 630-406-0075 or by email at bonnie@changingpatterns.net.
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| Quote to Ponder |
"Live each present moment completely, and the future will take care of itself. Fully enjoy the wonder and beauty of each instant. Practice the presence of peace. The more you do that, the more you will feel the presence of that power in your life."
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Paramahansa Yogananda |
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